What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
