i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
