Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
