Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
