Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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