Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
