hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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