Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
