She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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