I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
When are your genitals available?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
