I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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