i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
