There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
