i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
