his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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