So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
