I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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