I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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