just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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