At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
