Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
