I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
