its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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