marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
