Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
