Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My vagina just clenched in fear
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
