This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
