On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
whose parrot is this?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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