just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
NoShamevember. You game?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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