I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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