Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
