I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is Oprah even human
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
