I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
