saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
