i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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