so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just found puke in my bra..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
