girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
