haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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