I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
