just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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