Pants 0. Shit 1.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
