What a fucking waste of an outfit
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
