How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
