Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
