one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
