You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Ketchup is God's man juice
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
