Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
