Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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