THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
