yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
try to milk me bitch
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