ugly people sure do ruin things
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
