do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
