You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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