You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
