im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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