I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
