Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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