i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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